overheating violently at the screen wanting to throw a bunch of magma on a new canvas and shape it like a real boss

Geoffrey Lewis
50 min readDec 3, 2023

i am a ripe square one

daddy’s little meatball

the rap dons going platinum

how to arrange the salvific pieces

sorry you’re my only girlfriend right now lol

Temple bombing, the men taking orders and flying stealth bombers and planting mines that will handicap, end baseball careers; no sweetness in war, though maybe so; I am in a city but have my little route I go to look at, stare at, blue light; blue light is where I’ll dig a foundation and erect a temple unashamed; passion and emptyhandedness and no backstop, no runway, just flight; runway keeps you from taking off

“I think that world literature is about losers. That’s just the way it is. From Antigone to Josef K. — there are no winners, no champions. And furthermore, anyone can confirm that in their circle of acquaintances: People are always more interesting when they are losing than when they are winning.”

Imagine snoring gratitude for the impossible banks

“My mouth is a fire escape.

The words coming out

don’t care that they are naked.

There is something burning in there.”

― Andrea Gibson, The Madness Vase

a feel good tailspin

the American aphrodisiac of backyard sunshine and NPR after a meal of leftovers

we can agree on confusion (co fusion)

engines and the ghosts they’re haunted by, and different songwriting toolkits

a tightening of the circle

when someone else sees

structure: get all the way in

the Dr. Dre and Jimmy Iovine documentary

indigent indigo influenza incarceration

the music of pissing on a rock in a ravine

silt built kilt dolt rolfed quilted flame

“You remember too much,

my mother said to me recently.

Why hold onto all that? And I said,

Where can I put it down?”

― Anne Carson, Glass, Irony and God

convexed sentimentality

infinite regress

metaphysics leads to dogmatism

on gender

“He suddenly recalled from Plato’s Symposium: People were hermaphrodites until God split then in two, and now all the halves wander the world over seeking one another. Love is the longing for the half of ourselves we have lost.”

― Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being

sovereignty and dance — the pain of the dance floor is sexual desire filling my head with stories about possibility (fantasy, crush) then being returned to aloneness at the end

well I will have to make money being crazy, I can’t fix crazy like you can’t fix ugly

safe employment: you protect yourself from having to experience the consequence of your best soul striving maybe not working out; it’s insulation

Chris’s redemption, sleeping on a couch in a six-bedroom, eight-person coliving house; AA, I can be hard on addicts for being pathetic; pathos is artistic, eros, Thanatos, did I misinterpret? there is no god steering this right — I got off my schedule and now return to the game with immense firepower; the stupid game of self-regard ends up leading to: get the fucking money, it will be made, exert your taste, amplify your philosophy and agency through capital, software, influence, being a teacher — TikTok is practice, I should really film more and give more of my soul to the Chinese government if only for laughs and to prove that the newness of the human soul is always greater and more important than data structures; surveillance capitalism is overrated

had a brightness in bed: the sizzling connection between nodes, points: Austin L. Church’s LinkedIn post about boba and his daughter, connecting it to his ongoing lecture on freelance creative work; remembering Jenny Wheat, 2010, exploiting her daughter for her mommy blog (no, she does good work; now I can be the judge; I came back from the soot and crypt; they forgot about me, now I return armed, rested, nicotine pouch against my gums, offering up my death

looking at the chess board, becoming your death mask

Woke up in the middle of the night to say, people like me are a lot more useful dead; the message is unpopular, love and openness, I live the struggle too, trying to open up; performing music is a way to order time and place, corral bodies; now it is not enough to write and imagine, I have to make it manifest through others in the world, so I pop in a nicotine pouch and seethe dramatically until it’s done, tired Serge Gainesbourg watching children with fake facial hair and cigarettes perform his music while he cries, man in the arts; Geoff Dyer on D.H. Lawrence is something; T.J. choosing his mania and writing over his fiancé is classic — but did he have to go all the way through looking like a douchebag in all those pictures? Family/domestic life isn’t hard enough; Tricia’s husband gave up on writing and making music to be a father, now he’s kinda bitter and jaded; Buster Posey loves being a family man and won three championship rings, hall of fame shoo-in; who measures? You, tonight, 4:30am, off-schedule, doing well enough, before the curtain of 40 closes and your life is about other people’s lives; you are not the main character

a disappointing love with a married woman

mothers are the origin

fathers are the distance

we ask for roots and wings

any damn drug addict out there is trying to return to the womb, that’s why drug addicts are pathetic (28:32)


Winston and Winchester

friends…they’re like trust buckets

faced the music, two of three prospects

off the phone thinking of who to spin it to

sit me at the military drawing board

build a massive castle out of knowledge and speech

James Baldwin, The Nation (1979)

“But the state of Israel was not created for the salvation of the Jews; it was created for the salvation of the Western interests. This is what is becoming clear (I must say that it was always clear to me). The Palestinians have been paying for the British colonial policy of ‘divide and rule’ and for Europe’s guilty Christian conscience for more than thirty years.”

truth or consequences

The Rangers also added Max Scherzer to the ALCS roster yesterday morning. He could be an option for Game 3.

Doing less but better; beef man, David, laying out his cards in his allotted space in the fridge; feels like the holidays oddly, chilly out, was wearing pajamas and a sweater last night, felt like a patriarch, making up the narrative using my tongue, setting the tone for the family; today, sleeveless in baby blue, hair curling, skin tan, I’m a frat star; yes, artists look in the mirror and learn firsthand what children today should be — don’t check Messages yet, stay in touch with the dream, make a page of wildness, it’s rare; the boring afternoon hours of professional self-marketing shall not dim the bright screens, but the soul, the heart, the mind, the psyche takes its licks, its diminishments, the strikes from the bevel (?), the grandfather clock hands touching all our brows

Not if he hits in the playoffs the way Mookie Betts and Freddie Freeman did in going a combined 1-for-21 against the Arizona Diamondbacks

if there is one subject — failure —

the potent Germans awoke and dominated the second half, taking the fixture

we gathered in the tall grass

Life is stranger than fiction; ecstatic dance, Keith and Summer; eligible brightness; dream surreal — surrealist capitalist, merging the dream and reality, poetic fissure — what’s the sold end? I have to wonder; naming: promises to deliver on; because we mystics know there is no problem, even in failure and lagging numbers, even in a war about to blow, U.S. vs. Iran, orchestrated by Russia, in Israel; World War III is my penile hunting for fresh vagina, child-bearing hips, suckled breasts, the whole life cycle flashing in one bright hot-white moment; and this read then forgotten; we serve the body


kids are what we wanna be

when you look around, wouldn’t you consider it a privilege to associate yourself with such a fine-looking men as is standing in uniform in this ballpark today

gleaming like a bottle

tackle it full throttle

breakin’ my neck just to see you cry

now the idea has caught up with flesh movement

organ meat

openly carried handgun

selective breeding and the birth of philosophy

Martin Amis piece about Philip Larkin

Adored daughter, with perfect shimmering, brunette, hair halfway down her back with thin, gold, bracelets, thin arms, being taken out to dinner by her parents: ugly, old, serviceable, still active; she eats bread and pics off her parents plates, dips in sauce

The fruits are gone. The big wheel is down there, with the blue tensile ties fitted to the Earth above the blooming fecund green infrastructure of ancients unperturbed in the graves.

a battered lens of temporary brightnesses (bright eases)

Staring at the workhorse Bloomsbury as yellow caution, tape stripes a white front door next to a green Volkswagen as I lean against a tree and backpack near a fence, guarding a hospital cemetery in Texas as a certifiably cool guy, walks by with blonde hair jacket popping out of a snapback cap

coffee shop kids talking about self-awareness

humbled by getting iced coffee on my baby blue street-find tank top, “beach club 2016”

the stethoscope on the fear of lack of money

no need for silly fights or long term plans, just stay here: infinity for you and me youtube.com/@GeoffreyLewis…

there ~ the start of being listened to; another person to press play on. Self-conscious? Sure; I’m trying to shatter the stamina and endurance of surfaces and let you tune in to the rushing blood and oxygen, the human thing; i make content as an act of preparing to meet the next encounter; I am free, a beautiful and terrible state: poets often have two states of mind; this is beyond judgment, like wind in trees is beyond judgment, just is

vignettes of consciousness, polishing the calendar and chain of events from this one back to the beginning, touching provenance — a place in the mind about endurance, duration; these words are right but I wonder what our simultaneity does, what our agency does; what can we do about The Situation with what we can do? What brick ought be thrown? Whose mind ought be changed? I stand behind the army in wonder, while other men eagerly click-clack away taking positions; what I really want is to host a fight, be a place where a beautiful woman fights with her tongue to figure out what she has to say; a chasm where explosions can happen. Not just my bedroom where I’d offer a massage and to pleasure her without strings attached, just a nice afternoon away from the blockchain and the merciless parade of digital outreach: a real hand, real male strength and deliberateness

now, i’m waiting for one of my girls to show up, to serve as the place where i fight for worthiness; reading poetry is not enough today — — i will have to confess things to the visible realm, humiliate and embarrass myself, tell my whole real story; i am hungry for said humiliation; i trust humility. “But Geoffrey, what did you do? You’re such a good boy…”

Did I ruin something sacred? A marriage? A career? Contracts contain and hold us in place, dictate our behavior and set our performance metrics: mortgage, marriage, employment; the brain is a war zone calculating ENOUGH; the sun is up and we’re capable; who will forgive us for not doing more? Time itself? But time keeps going.

a power move, not noticing her

Boiling with stuff from the land of dreams before reality hits too hard; poets discuss James Tate’s poem about a government that flooded a town on purpose, Kamran Javadizadeh and Matthew Zapruder, homies, regal entities; we obey the same sun — yesterday I was hoping for grief partners for Louise Glück’s death; death is part of our business; the young poets love writing about death lol; leading the late thirtysomethings is a mantle I take heavily while also knowing men are wont to take on mantles, get their hands on the spigots and controls; see, my vomiting up the dictionary is just a dream, not of power but of safety, and it can’t be summoned, isn’t ever believable enough or guaranteed; always there is fear of another guy, a barbarian, a foreign entity, AI or hackers, fears du jour; we need them like the deserts miss the rain, “And I miss you…” because it’s always about a girl, maybe a daughter; women and children; life is short and then you’re 40 and the job is to serve: you’re not the main character anymore; youth ends, it has to, wasted on the digital; yet our mouths go on repeating, yearning, medical and legal, everybody’s real and the walls are caving in: fear of things not working out is the pastime of those who are not giving. Everyone can give; the source is irrepressible, infinite, bottomless, yet we want to make sure we’ll be taken care of; do poets soften the loss of certainty? // she probably just wants to be thought of, reached for, wanted; she prefers to do her chores, take pictures of herself, be in nature, succeed enough in her silly pseudo-entrepreneurial pursuits to earn enough keep in her own mind from her husband; she’s trying; she’s cosplaying as professional, which we all are, even the man

who draws back?

who can want it least?

like Thanksgiving came early

and often

if she wants

shuttled from her dad’s house

i’m a detailed sport utility vehicle

from up north by the arboretum

art so I tried and never do anything that I wouldn’t want to put into the work because I think that I see myself it’s just a pain of glass just take an experience and let it happen and then I fermented down into this and then I can work with a S materials were like sculpture. Yeah, that is really cool way to think about it. It’s like using like memory is your medium yes yeah oh yummy memory in imagination. Well even you go to Roscoe and it’s like they said no no one looked back the way he did you know and you if you go anywhere in and eventually you don’t really do you know I mean school is great school great I think as an artist brings you to the point of you know where to go because you need to go anywhere you need to go reassemble what has been scattered a struggle because it’s like I said a personal thing and yet like I feel like I really struggle with like being self driven, and Thursday, I love art but it’s hard for me to make myself do that every day so I think that’s a part of growing up a Time ruling myself

heartache milking, inc.

raised by the algorithm but it was culture all along — no devious uncle

start fishing on the phone

a gentle man eating queso alone at 3am at Tyson’s Tacos 24 hour spot


enjoying my queso with a 5’6” blonde Canadian calls San Francisco a shithole, and I say be careful who you talk to this late at night in Texas because if you call their birthplace a shit hole, you might stand up and step to you and pop you and he back down and said yes, sir be careful who you talk to your brother

relationships going wrong?

tobacco, alcohol and firearms

also, literary fiction about getting in a fight

leading a dance partner and other oxytocin devices

seemingly eternal for those who can’t self-redirect

you seem awfully stuck in your vibe

maybe some oxytocin if you rub right

no tolerance breaks

brain stuck

talk about drug dealers and lifetime customers, I mean…even weed

eating salsa like a soup

exposing my heart will make me feel better

work and alone time as solution to turbulence

to say yes

but I can’t parse your poetic desperation. It’s seems you are still resistant to ever getting a job again. That your “freedom” depends on others working to support you. I just don’t know what to say to this

the final question: how long can you believe you’re loved enough?

i am dealing directly with my not being loved

Your best is always a difficult chemistry to handle

along with a Cadillac iced coffee, 20oz Japanese cold brew with vanilla syrup, oat milk and a shot of espresso, 8something and change before a dollar tip

homie reading fractal geometry on a call

need a woman to build with

clean clothes



friendly reminder

the single mom’s advantage is she doesn’t have any opposing forces

oh no, they’re doing rose-bud-thorn

Hiroshima mon Amour: the Cruelty of Memory

even the coolest rich guy has no sense of the day after tomorrow

her see-through backpack with nothing in it

endless hipster bloodbath

she seemed very perturbed when I met her

so socially acceptable it’s bazaar

i also have a Canuck friendship bracelet

six science

get your shit together, Kate, come on!

it’s not more OK because it’s older

the answer might’ve been discovered

a lot of ’em are baristas from the cafe across the street

like a Facebook Page just for Saturday

a punk cafe that skews heavily Mom on Saturday

(it’s not a problem per se)

all i wanted was a shirt that said “tree fort”

super worn and oversize, it was only a dollar

super stoked everything happens for a reason

safe distance

rapture and rupture

colloquial tone


ace of the staff

up my heart-rubbed sleeve

blanched hottie

allegiance chorus

identify where he’s afraid

instead of just driving toward performance

i approached your heart

i write my endless kiss-poem to my lack of sales

What can be written is very stupid; who can be loved is very pointless, endless; assessment of points and ends ~ writing here instead of on the internet; oh, privacy is now loud, heavy, a peculiar and particular lift — — so one is famous for being dialed in to the strangeness, the loop, the elsewhere, the not being here on earth in real-time yet being off far; milking chaos never ends; my life is now a good ship to abandon, to not live in for a few days, let the dust settle into chaff, hard ground to pitch off of, to re-exert my humanity on top of; hot waif baristas with big feelings, ADHD, depression and unmilked silliness, untrammeled depression; she’s a daughter to abuse, a flesh doll with no armor, no wound

he’s called the right shots

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he refused to shower even then?

pledge allegiance to my burning car

being freed by disappointments

turn this on right now and like I don’t mind because what I do with my work and what I do in my relationships there should be no divide it should all be the same thing that what you get with me is the same thing you’ll get of me in my Instagram story when you watch it later and it’s almost like practice and performance is going to become the same thing too. If I want to bring a performance rigor to my practice and I want to bring that the levity and ease of practice to my performance right I like the actor, Bill Murray talks a lot about being relaxed and the importance of being relaxed and if you’re relaxed and open receptive flexible right now that takes a look that takes you know hard massage work in the morning and it takes a very rigorous plan of I’ve gotten my my juice is going to that when I get to epoch I’m open I’ve I’ve sort of had my say in a sense I’m not trying to catch up with the day like I’m and today I sort of was like started behind the eight ball and then I was climb I was I was started behind and I had to push through to catch up. I don’t like playing like that I I like where I’ve and I know it’s something I’m like wake me up at five right I don’t set an alarm ideally and I’m just like just every minute is intentional and if if you do the minutes right with both up time and downtime right either I’m like pajamas working hard or something pitching wise and then I’ll I’ll come back to my phone and I’ll like read some Twitter watch some TikTok or reread the messages and review what I did on Instagram and then I’ll go back and do some more I’m always I’m being very intentional about a time in downtime so in that way and even though I was telling a friend on the phone today we able to we have a weekly call and it’s like I’m trying to do all things at once so like I always want to be physically ready so it’s like even like like when I’m singing I’ll like throw in like I’ll like put my foot up there and kind of do you like some of this stuff because you know the physical aspect of things very important, right song and dance or related dance and baseball related baseball and writing are related writing and singing in Related, so I think the more I can interrelate and interweave the different pieces of my practice serves everything else and so I’m I’m always in the game somehow

Erasing Fears & Traumas Based on the Modern Neuroscience of Fear

i’m sadnessmaxxing and excellencemaxxing

looking around for a hot girl who can be an externalization of my inner war, that ain’t too much to ask of a star-studded hipster coffee shop

the woman is an externalization of this war

desire starts over again every day in a sharpened shell

sharpened in hell

brazen blade

apple girl

fighting with silence and unrest, beauty and time

listening ledgers

breakfast smoke

maddie’s a noon-to-sixer

Brennan Butts replied to his own comment: “Geoffrey Lewis *At the risk of falling for, and answering seriously, what may very well be a silly little satire/troll post, here we go, bc maybe someone needs to hear this* “do what you want, be an animal, it’s spiritual.” No, it’s not. Unless you’re taking the stance of *everything that anyone could ever do ever at any time is spiritual including all the bad shit like rape and murder and child abuse and pedophilia and wanton psychopathic serial killer level violence, no matter what there is no right and wrong and it’s all spiritual and super healthy so don’t take any thought over whether or not what you do affects anyone else positively or negatively because it’s all 100 positive no matter what always* Look, I think I do indeed see and agree with part of your angle, don’t get me wrong, a lot to agree with when taken in balance — don’t repress, be free, live abundantly, etc — but no, “do what you want, be an animal” is not good advice if not given scope. If what I want hurts others, and I do it anyway because it’s “my truth”, I’m just as bad if not worse than someone who deliberately hurts others for fun or out of spite. Me “being an animal” living according to nothing but my impulses with no regard for the ramifications of my actions and it’s affect on those around me, that’s not enlightenment or evolution or spiritual awakening, that’s being a parasite or a cancer or a predator. Freely embracing the deliciousness of life is one thing, and sexual liberation can be part of that in the right context, but you can’t just throw a f*ck party and put the word conscious in front of it and make it public and allow anyone who pays the $200 entry fee into the event and expect it to be an objectively spiritually beneficial event. A life devoid of honest introspection and connection to that which is outside of the obsession of self is no more than a vacuum of parasitism. I genuinely hope my words were unneeded, and that you are indeed on a unique path that benefits both you and those around you.”

Brennan Butts commented on your post: “Love it. “Yes finally I can become spiritual by doing the opposite of what people think of as spiritual which takes spirituality and spiritualizes it to the point where spiritual stuff is meaningless and non spiritual stuff is full of meaning and nothing means everything and everything means nothing and being completely and totally entaptured by my animalistic impulses is the highest form of evolution and evolving past my enslavement to my impulses is a psychic prison and thank god I’m so spiritual because otherwise I’d not be spiritual so I’m going to label everything I do that is normally not seen as spiritual as being spiritual so I can basically keep doing whatever I want at any point in any way at any time and say it’s spiritual because *duality babay* hahah hell yeah I cracked the code speaking of crack imma have some because like if that’s like the least spiritual thing you could do it’ll probably be the most spiritual experience of my life so HERE WE GO ORGIES AND CRACK BAYBAYEE WOO WOO FOR ME AND YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER AMEN 🙏”

forging character felt by all

subliminal fascism
snakeman’s callin’ me home

could write forever about awe and ingratitude

there is no bitterness like ingratitude

busted headlight

be returned to defeat


every time

to want and

not get

i’m looking for something that’s not there

the redemption plot

don’t make me write about the fractional wife

Reno gets the nod for the noon shift

Monday, October 2, the 2023 season

diapers and nicotine

the sweetest dog in the world shoved in a trash bag

dissatisfaction is my ink

Hi hi :) still unable to send tweets or DMs, still “Restricted” — yesterday I got around to following the email instructions and changing my password; it’s been over 24 hours and I am still unable to do things like before. Next steps? Thanks so much for your help and patience with me on this!

— Geoff (@gplewis)

“Somebody once said that man is God in ruins. And I think that John saw the ruins with a clarity that the rest of us would find unbearable.”

— Peter Falk, on John Cassavetes

the dopamine ponies are at inbox twelve

Testosterone warfare through hands media trying to get back to being protected in the womb victory

infidelity doula

idolize, demonize, humanize

idol eyes, demon eyes, human eyes

as i walk through the valley of the shadow of lack and rejection

blood on the grill

“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win”

his particular form of determined, but nonviolent protest, which he termed satyagraha, from the Sanskrit and Hindi term for “holding onto truth”

err on the side of cumshot

severe medical history that’s quite concrete

the scientific girl has spoken, is speaking


of me against expectation

hardness to softness

food, sex and sleep are my children or just my failure or humanity

the mean time to shutter failure

writer and curator of creative nonfiction and celebration of the human spirit in art, media, internet freedom, neurodivergence, personality prismatic foliage (freedom to make nonsense into concrete — belief that my manias will become science)

items that caught my eye while flipping through the endless torrent of internet beauty and truth poised for atomized, discrete consumption, years spent collecting in this cell of imagery, knitting a lattice, installing bricks…enjoy, imagine what it’s like to see the internet like I do, the collector, one who notices, now a showman of his petting zoo

yo! any chance you’d be willing to let me (@gplewis elsewhere) have this domain for the sake of my writing and art? I would be glad to meet you and hear your input…my other works are available here:



It would be a pleasure to learn what “gplewis” means to you!


Geoffrey Paul Lewis (though usually just Geoff Lewis)

Thank you, if you indeed surrendered it

Tumblr, another key

bring burgundy back

heavy heart hauling

remembering the journalist character from the newsroom and his sly, smug, observational wit, and Shakespeare and Aaron and Jon, the young man, writing in a journal and reading Macbeth today at the bar at Deepak

watching this redheaded mother, my precise, pier look beautiful in cut off Jean shorts and tie-dyed shirt, red hair, gleaming, glorious, freckles, everywhere; smiling, brushing the hair behind her ear, laughing, as I type scornfully about homeownership

all my peers in their “for me,” “yep,” phases

laughter and fantasy keep depression at bay

spent Sunday with cheap carbs and yesterday’s texts

eating whatever I want + lonely > thirtysomething childrearing and the weekend conversation with other safety-makers discussing what they must obey; luckily the two parties acknowledge each other, a respectful nod, the bored and the lonely must love each other and die

i will do paperwork and wait on the state for you

who’s gonna let down their gun first

turning someone else into the war…is that the solution?

identify which of these battles are real

freelance enthusiast

Our definitions will outlast what they define

eating away at the field greens

away game at Northcross

Summer ended our friendship

nice hug-touch near-fuck with an Australian

got a ride home from her acquaintance from San Antonio in his red Tesla with white leather interior

compadre zeitgeist

overspiritualized extradimensional concepts

wrenches for the zombie face

temporarily restricted due to unusual activity since 2/15/23, writes from @gpl_writes



two octopi hand in hand

hola, Rica — international relations Master’s, reading about Chinese exclusion in early 1900s U.S.

60 minutes long (1080p) on twitter.com and up to 10 minutes long on iOS and Android

i pay him so i appear higher in his replies (Luke Burgis)

burgeoning bluster

“People were standing up everywhere shouting, ‘This is me! This is me!’ Every time you looked at them they stood up and told you who they were, and the truth of it was that they had no more idea who or what they were than he had. They believed their flashing signs, too. They ought to be standing up and shouting, ‘This isn’t me! This isn’t me!’ They would if they had any decency. ‘This isn’t me!’ Then you might know how to proceed through the flashing bullshit of this world.”

― Philip Roth, American Pastoral

Part III: Cracks in the Gate


i’ll be my own collateral damage baby tonight

have you reconciled yourself to pouring this out?

be handed the ball and run up the field

Sat Sep 30 11:19 AM last day of September

tomorrow is October which is the best

time for poets and ballplayers, filmmakers

freshly broken up with and promoted

no one shares my joys, only sorrows

the hollow shopping malls of 11:00 meetings

it’s almost October

for baseball and poetry

wild; let the sky fall

crumble and lose everything

LinkedIn News 9/29/23

UAW strikes grow, Stellantis spared

Federal workers brace for shutdown

Is graduate degree still worth it?

Latino members share network tips

NYC has largest income gap in US

Boeing CEO surprised by demand

Mortgage rates hit 23-year high

Wonder Group acquires Blue Apron

Evergrande halts trading amid probe

Epic Games lays off 16% of staff

white fingernails and bare skin


helmsman — a person who steers a ship or boat


Who to enlist feed my hungry heart

paypal venmo cash app

bank information

routing number

account number

emmaline@ “”


Canva invoice templates

Description: acting, no quantity, total 150

wigglin’ and gigglin’ incurs no enemies

incurring an enemy

Aggression sublimated into good moves;

Brendan at St. A’s in New Hampshire, Boston roots, east coast elite white weak male douchebag lacrosse player emotional retard into recruiting and a girlfriend, for the ‘gram all to impress family & fit in: Duchamp said two kinds of artists, in society and not/opposed/against like Baldwin divorced from systems — if this then that, made up minds routing emails and pictures making everything fit

that’s my lavender INSIDE

pay attention, that’s my daughter


said some good stuff, more good stuff will come tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow

One of the last poems Philip #Larkin wrote before he died, when he’d almost stopped writing entirely. A tribute to Gavin Ewart, a lament for the loss of his own gift — and a sad irony in the way that contrast drew out a final bit of vim…

by the time you see i have love in my life, i’ve lost it, but we can still talk about it

how have you been?? reviewing old messages…you’re cool 😎

munificentia benedicti

AUTUMN’S MASSIVE ECOSYSTEM could be a poem (listening to a little recording i did during meeting with Will)

take things off her brain’s plate

the nineties, too

aim through the lack, not at it

@0uterKate @_lavenderblue_ @_LindsayMarie @Bronsonpoops @ClemenTina_ @ichimural IG: gplewis 📚🩰🌋⚡️🎭🥋

calls and meetings all day

things are slowing down

i don’t really take video of myself, it makes me very uncomfortable

i don’t want to have to be the only one conducting

verse guys: tops and bottoms

switch has a more kink orientation

whereas verse means you like both

building shared understanding is hard

totally attacking my discovering how i’m sharing my body — i’m more angry than anything to be honest

i am the one that controls the threesomes and the foursomes and the orgies, putting together the sex spaces

pleasure &

arousal &


when you’re drinking, i’ve seen your power

a weird wander into the unconsensupl

reorganizing our energy to be about all of us

LEADERSHIP (in a threesome)

no I in threesome

reward-based actions

he was getting all funky, laying down at our feet

he just got out of a seven-year relationship a month ago

he’s built a narrative not based in my reality

building shared understanding is hard

now i’m banned from titter

eager hands (he smokes)

cuddling in bed

stuck in my head

about my friend’s safety

cuddling and naked but not sexual

what happened to my friend?

i’m only unblocking you to tell you this: you made me feel like shit, never contact me ~ oh…he’s creating a narrative ’cause I rejected him and he’s taking it out on me

i was being abusive

he was reported for abuse

that’s when they take you out

it’s wrapped in consent

a Christmas present of two strange (storage) cocks wrapped in consent

CONSENT HAS BEEN BROKEN (even though it was never talked about); the unspoken consent was broken ~ Rebecca notes that This is why it’s so Hard

there are ants all over my drink, ants all in my pot, banned from New Orleans Tinder

Projecting the whole of my insides onto the visible; who will read? Who am I waiting for? I say/purge all this so I can participate in life, check back in with my friends

i’m tired of him being the woman

he has been the wife forever

i need to be the woman; i want to be pursued

“i’m the man in our relationship”

i can’t do his work anymore

have you considered starting your own men’s talking circle

the right people who need your medicine will be drawn to it

whatever comes in your path, stay centered in the heart: compassion, love and understanding; we are all a shard of the infinite and the divine

step across the resentment to meet the other and love them, if climate change depended on it

is it useful to tough-love somebody

people sometimes get addicted to the healing process

competitive healing

gender roles clearly concretized

dominance and submission over history

feminine is risen up and lashing back

uncharted territory

the collective feminine trying to figure out what they want and their place, and the masculine is getting confused: their roles were laid out for them, but they don’t want to be oppressive → hold compassion and space while we explore our own truths and journeys; lift each other up without projecting our own truths and values — to heal and evolve

lessons of the past decade viewed from a different vantage point each time, discover more nuance each time

my mission is to set people free from whatever chains bind them: physical, mental, trauma, addiction; help people stand in their own truth and power ~ no agenda to mold them into a perfect form because it’s their form to find — I was a prisoner to my own bullshit for about a decade, trapped and stuck, didn’t know what to do, was stuck, became complacent and a cog in the machine until I’d had enough and began extricating myself from the trappings I’d created for myself ~ I don’t push anything on anybody, I let them come to me; I don’t have specific goals

so many individual truths

19 years married, 19 years sober, raised four children; terrific grandmother ~ i’ve given Robert everything I have, and I have to give to me: the 19-year-old girl has to have a wife

the two-pound, one-ouncer who almost didn’t make it in this world

citrus flavored lost

irises and roses

talking out of one side of my head

thinking out of the other

whose afraid of orgasm on main?

orgasm origami

“To love is also good: for love is difficult. Fondness between human beings: that is perhaps the most difficult task that is set us, the ultimate thing, the final trial and test, the work for which all other work is only preparation. Therefore young people, who are beginners in everything, cannot know love yet: they have to learn it. With their whole being, with all their strength gathered about their lonely, fearful, upward beating heart, they must learn to love. But apprenticeship is always a long, secluded time, and therefore loving is for a long while, far into life — solitude, heightened and deepened aloneness for him who loves. Loving in the first instance is nothing that can be called losing, surrendering and uniting oneself to another (for what would a union be, of something unclarified and unready, still inferior — ?), it is a sublime occasion for the individual to mature, to grow into something in himself, to become world for himself for another’s sake, it is a great exacting claim upon him, something that chooses him and summons him to a distant goal.”

— Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters To a Young Poet

Ansley Kate Huffman

authenticity is too low a bar

surrender, teamwork, sacrifice, devotion, membership

copy old male artists to subvert the fuckin’ canon

cesspool analytics

atavistically, we all want love

see consciousness and language in other animals

Grow it and cook it when it’s harvested in the fruits and the problem is you gotta eat it when it’s right there

look around and see if/how much other places are charging

Scatter the brains in a jar on the screen, so to prove that the infinite vomit shall keep glistening and pouring molten copper or bronze metal iron age Johann Wolfgang von Goethe and the princes who are to associate with artists and Peter’s money to be free and my money and freedom shall become money. Freedom shall become money, and it is just a wanting to be free of the cage of language and fear and memory, and we wanna replace reality with them or if you want to destroy your mind and depressants.

message received but you might just have to ignore

a cockroach just fell from the ceiling and i’m thinking of getting tacos and queso

how to verify your account

sentiment-method fit


DM group of 30 artists

200 notifications a day

gnarly posting DMs about each other




renaissance tour

playboy poet revolutionary for good era

lottery criteria

validity was established

nice to have that off your plate

wanting to hug her so bad

wanting a her to do it all for

how to live with affection for each other

Ansley, the beginning, and the Dao

manifestation, recognize the children and find the mother to be free of sorrow

don’t close your eyes and absorbed in the traffic of desire; sense is key — yielding is strength; return to the source of light: practicing eternity

bipolar population (patience, clients, whatever)

we are bipolar schizophrenic, preprogrammed emotionality of an artist, helplessly

he completely trusts me, it’s me i don’t trust

i wanna be your sponsor and sister

nine steps to the kava bar

i’m praying in tongues that you’ll be my brother

saints with their tongues out

I got Gotti, breakfast at Gucci

Autumn says we have to connect ~ I’m stoked, glad to meet you brother. I have been on fire since she and I connected at Mozart’s. It’s exciting to see how much you and I have in common, and to know you’ve weathered the storm of being a certifiably unhinged creative genius and managed to do good and great business along the way. Managing performing arts is fascinating, I will have a long career in something like that…one day at a time, though it already feels natural to plan in years working with Autumn in cities like Detroit and Atlanta. I love America despite all the evidence piled to the contrary at the link in my bio. I’ll be 37 next month and want to make the most of my time before turning 40 and accepting then that my role is to help others…

Let’s jam on the phone and I can tell more. For now, here is what I’ve been noticing and thinking:

suspicious of the bounty

chimes at midnight

a really good sweet girl but mostly a bad boy. daring art friend to married and divorced lifelong creative misfits. enjoying the journey, doing less but better.

🌞🌴 Beach babe seeking a partner to soak up the sun and enjoy the sea with! 🌊👙☀️🚨💕👉CLICK LINK IN BIO👈💕🚨

Someone in all their rage took out a chunky divot. Writing about your life on the internet is a surefire way to create opportunity and walk away from fear/lack and toward something universal.

scrap SoundCloud and Patreon, stick with Substack, YouTube and Instagram

“The human race, we’re a tribe, let’s face it, let’s stop all the religious bullshit. I think everybody’s exhausted with this whole self-importance, so just drop it. We’re fucking animals, so let’s just make some universal tribal beat. We’re pagan. Let’s march.”

― Björk


“I felt like crying but nothing came out. It was just a sort of sad sickness, sick sad, when you can’t feel any worse. I think you know it. I think everybody knows it now and then. but I think I have known it pretty often, too often.”

― Charles Bukowski, Tales of Ordinary Madness

lightning riding in the sky

risking sitting under it

travel insurance, wander well

radio hour sponsored by

sponsor influencers to make travel content with our brand on it


200 customers a month

affiliate partners, travel retailers that lead travels and expeditions refer customers to us, e.g. concert companies in Mexico

clothing line, finishing samples, Montecito — Santa Barbara based west coast prep brand

get people to buy some t-shirts


operating below the foundation where anyone should have to operate — basic needs; give yourself more grace to think out loud ~ the currency of time in building a culture and meeting your needs

the guy I insulted is the coolest guy

can you be carefully, politely interested in polarization

baserunners score runs

he’s fast and gets on base

so don’t tell me about batting order

sit down and shut the fuck up, guy,

they’re my kids now

white male born in the U.S.A. getting over it

anything that’s difficult needs strength and support

artist development

brain hemorrhage

four little girls

she delivered triplets then left, a serious addict

i guess my dad did that…but ya know

she literally gave birth and was done

she may have been dope-sick

a lot out there if you don’t make it about you

are the children awarded to the state?

dinner with the president of the college

italian, brilliant, a high intellectual

the italian renaissance, perspective

dynamic, amazing

it’s not a sculpture project, it’s a relationship

hauling her tits and tattoos around

gentle corruptor for hire, ain’t that the brand

my battery’s on its last limb

bowling alley pin stack

wet bandits

know no snakes

the people who are the worst are always the best in bed but they’re never people you can be in a relationship with

sometimes self-awareness isn’t true knowledge

landlords and ineffability

caregivers’ spanking

i’m too much of a pussy to kill myself because i’m useless and nobody loves me — you get me, Geoff…this is what happens when I hang out with young people. They’ll never get old, Geoff. They’ll never be as old as me. Rosemary…

— Ben, age 29

fake kevin will die

the stupidest death, cactus

porcupine razor

free haiku genius

you’re gonna get me laid one of these days

because i’m too pussy to kill myself

need a girl to

tell us when summer ends and the official first day of fall arrives

sunday and chasing after his woman

time to take revenge on Sarah

my life is so pathetic

nursed by the matrix at 1am

women too busy to hear men

staying up for the solstice

meeting the master of arts

distinction in house parties with

artists 10 years younger

What’s happening Fri Sep 22 12:06 AM

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this is the dawning of the last of our lives

cherry all night long

newness blooms over the concrete of lived-out yesterdays

there is only life today

it is wild to stare at this crystal / and master its permanence

Anze Kopitar of the Los Angeles Kings

all spaces collapse overnight to be reseparated again in the morning, distance wrung like a bell

nicotine makes me love her more

Read it to the scissors, liberated from the secret book form

you went country dancing with your family

when you were young

libra sun tea

well, I guess it’s just over she didn’t write back. She isn’t sharing anything. I miss the sex and the food and her dogs and our mutual understanding, and being the guardians of each other’s shadows and emotions as we try to do the impossible thing of living, a life and I guess it just ends. I guess it’s just over and I’m getting ghosted by my girlfriend and that’s a funny thing to say but you have to laugh about and turn into arts and turn into a way to stick in the world and be glue the gum and stick to a routine stick to the real life of your apartment and your housemates and your hunger and your bedsheets and your shoes, and your schedule and your money, and your chewing gum and your nicotine. 9/26/23 walk to Epoch as Kyle and Valerie help Christopher make the phone call to the detox center to check himself in because last night we saw him on the street pouring wine into a soda cup and a face-tattooed guy was enlisted to by liquor for him from 7-Eleven that wouldn’t sell to him because he was clearly intoxicated // the next available driver’s license appointment is in March of next year, six month wait — the infrastructure ain’t charming and greased, staffed by smiles ready to help, like it seemed when I was a kid

horny thrashing dragonfly

the sound holds the ember of tongue

longing to connect and secure

turned my back on disheveled incompetence, machines and cords, water, fed and dressed, looking toward the sky — what is possible is all we have

the cause of all suffering is what we’re thinking and believing

i smell burning and wonder

do you wanna just

go out separate ways?

you’ve left me

with nothing but writing to the blank

you’ll be my Israel

hail damage

warehouses on the border, south Texas

Can you see a magical it is and you can just start speaking to the computer understands and really you get really unlimited as a Creator because you can write anything and then you can go

“substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly taken-for-granted relationship…”

— Iris Murdoch, A Severed Head

perfect linkedin comment;

Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write.

This most of all: ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: must I write? Dig into yourself for a deep answer. And if this answer rings out in assent, if you meet this solemn question with a strong, simple “I must,” then build your life in accordance with this necessity; your whole life, even into its humblest and most indifferent hour, must become a sign and witness to this impulse. Then come close to Nature. Then, as if no one had ever tried before, try to say what you see and feel and love and lose…

…Describe your sorrows and desires, the thoughts that pass through your mind and your belief in some kind of beauty — describe all these with heartfelt, silent, humble sincerity &, when you express yourself, use the Things around you, the images from your dreams, & the objects that you remember. If your everyday life seems poor, don’t blame it; blame yourself; admit to yourself that you are not enough of a poet to call forth its riches; because for the creator there is not poverty

Rainer Maria Rilke

if you think you need to fight the river, swim

luckily i get to break up with someone or be broken up with

lose their stretch longer

you haven’t peaked yet, you’re not even showering every day

playing meaning games in the dopamine theater

looking for yourself in images is an endless game

throwin’ curveballs off the hill

gettin’ dirt in my speaker

stay in the light, you can’t get hurt; the dark is for sleeping

cigar box guitars

how do you make

the circle without

cutting the rest of

the top? drill a hole,

put in a jigsaw

or if you want to make

a little sound … small


so close to the endless end

upstairs planning my next relapse

i’m so glad that you’re sitting at this table in this house: tribe conscious living for men, we hold 12 people at once, right now we’re at half. someone is making chicken, another playing video games, yet another one meditating

rock on, peace, and love

is how i say


in austin

why is my whole purpose being a menace with myself on the internet to serve my deeper self

Seek Discomfort

experientially greedy

all the dads and officers

i’m goin’ down to hell

don’t mind me

need anything?

no one’s got sympathy for me

homes and music

That’s what most Miranda Lambert said do you know what does breaking the rules it’s OK who disappointing why are you inventing? Someone is disappointed not to be that way.

Miranda Lambert and Miranda

from Sex and the City and

the one from the Mars Volta

and Mara and voltage and

cinematic mode on the new iPhones

and ion, and Io, and XO

odd containers of mini making with Summer on the last day of summer keeping Austin weird staring down a mural askance writing poetry books for many muses. I am booked till the end of next year; next year I will make $450,000 off my creativity.! And Summer rejoices because she knows she’s gonna cut of it and we just put Lily Bell through college with my excellent taste in labor and management.

Ziggurat of Ur

Sumerian: 𒂍𒋼𒅎𒅍

Mania and aggression check thanks to Kyle, I really appreciate monitoring me and my schizophrenic tendencies to not really have an accurate picture of the damage I do by living my passion

you have to believe in it and make it matter

it would be nice if we both just don’t want to talk to each other

we are sick of listening to each other LOL

what a victory, was a viceroy

what I hear you saying is, clients don’t even know how to speak the language of translating fear (into something not being done) into asks. I hear you saying clients (those with power in an organization, playing a game of self-preservation and trying to make themselves look good to certain others) are afraid to reveal their own sense-making and work-assigning algorithm to the listener, i.e. the ostensibly lower-rank person who will do the work. Maybe it’s better for everyone if people are more honest, and not afraid to reveal how they are translating fear into orders.

This all reminds me of a haunting quote from this article: every workplace conversation is really a negotiation about our workplace roles. https://www.newyorker.com/books/joshua-rothman/big-data-comes-to-the-office

Kairos Pt1 — The Consultant Out of Time


sprinkling fairy confetti in official Google Docs like the tooth fairy

always working out the drama and rules of her owner

painful friendship trading

kissing people temporarily

the feeling of losing a friend sends you looking in the past for one

images and communication drives me crazy

a different pussy

today is a test of worthiness

climb via media to get wanted by media

help the grassroots fundraisers

10 minute cinematic mode

gimme the album art! thank you…

radio swashbuckler

his name (the barista who I told flirts too much) is Reno

Japanese iced coffee with housemate vanilla syrup, no ice ($0.50 charge) and whole milk

“You can’t reclaim a thing that changes as you touch it.”

― Jonathan Lethem, Amnesia Moon

the urge to claim is the thing to cultivate

emptyhandedness in poetry

“People pay for what they do, and still more for what they have allowed themselves to become. And they pay for it very simply; by the lives they lead.”

― James Baldwin

so to stand outside and watch

I check my Messages but I am not important

Heavy metal to get the day going, charge the brain with lust for progress, improvement, change — on earth among addicts for meaning and normalcy, quiet and sleep; awakeness seems a burden for them; Valerie shops for pepper spray or gel believing the hearsay about crazies on the bus and sidewalk; Chris is earbudded in and backpacked up with ankle-high black socks; Sarah was neglected and might hear the voice of silence saying this is probably over, other women intrigue me and so does business; losing love is like a window in my heart & doing shadow work against the wall with the childhood tools of baseball and glove ~ singing, photography, walking, coffee, talk, writing; my online community; Yasmeen is up. Stats, fluctuation — cultivating intensity; most importantly, live; be changed by these people — be a bard, singing “throw a coin to your Witcher…”

broke fucking addicts who enable each other, swimming slowly in the aftermath like fat in a boiling soup: tripe

earlier today this guy came over for a cuddle and a suck — i want a buddy! burning man community, local burn; canoe & fuck your brains out ~ Grindr and Tinder; I’m Being Received right now; it’s ’cause of my eyes

brown eyes say stay out, green eyes say come on in

i’m at the edge of sovereignty

asking for guns, cattle and boots

it’s silly what we do in capitalism: turn our fear into a weapon

snake-eyed talk about worthiness

mere mirror masturbators

a gap in the market that you could fill

i’m my own mommy-daddy

found $300 cash, a business card with a hug, and a new professional wife @ Mozart’s today, listening for the dings and pings of silent meditation and retreat: lion’s perch

eat the rich by flattering the rich so they feed you, then take without them understanding the swindle with a smile — you eat them by extracting from them, without biting the hand; save your rage for elsewhere, for getting more to the table

every breath is a blank page, etc.

the lack of someone to check on your progress

paint me apart with no stakes

somewhere where the game isn’t real

Boca note that is it to all the sudden…… Da lizards, crawling glove compartment, Tabitha beautiful what is the name of the girl from boy meets world Topanga Canyon, Los Angeles

just saw a white lizard crawling out over this two-thousand-pound planter box


girls just wanna be taken off/out of the market & decline politely, but i wanna know what they don’t send — a woman feeling is life itself ~ the woman feeling herself is the only subject

i am reasonably typing

all i offer is the unrest in my soul

wide open bottleneck


what the hell

where you are relates to everyone

@gplewis: she was, i was, we talked about me following her to New York to fundraise for her new venture at the Spotify headquarters, we agree we are soul mates

love is an obsession with what the other person isn’t — they are obsessed by the absence and what it means about your rules and expectations

it’s rare to not jump on the phone just yet

haters hate that they get little attention of mine and their feedback isn’t new or novel

they want to sting and hate that they can’t do damage, fork no lightning, aren’t impactful, are flaccid and soft, worthless and weak; i am the world; the iphone lens is the world of men and we watch women, integrate them into the order of words and events

love your mom


oh my god

love your mom

i should have loved her more

i was finally a good son at the end

one day she’s gonna be gone

and you’re gonna hurt

like you have no idea

and you’re gonna regret

not treating her better

dude, moms are moms, they’re the most precious thing

you can’t replace it, they’re amazing

thank god for moms

the ambulance from monday

the delicate of a lingerie holding up her tits

assertive, clear bellow

assertive, clear fellow

mellow yellow elbow nickel dime

what you’re writing is capturing the soul of NewCo

being worthy of the

stop killing yourself to pitch “them” and go find your people

the right person will say “please let me invest”

and that is the poem by Rumi, the guest house, the guest house if he’s sitting for the guest intensity of the seeking for the gas in De La Rosa most beautiful thing every time I read it the meaning changes not because it changes, but I use it to music while you are change in certain look at it it’s like looking at a lake you know you are we are that I mean this is what you are that you are that that’s why in yoga really good yoga teachers teach you breath is like literally is cake in this venture ecosystem goes fast as I can go

we built the system because you thought you were the customer customer and I was like that game was too deep to where I spent like I couldn’t not do it so it is a new way to invest in early stage underestimated Anders Lee is it working on the articulation underestimated artist and poet has a big market to and I think I know how to doing a new car I feel like I know Summer started Newco feel like I I feel like like there’s a Newco in the world like five years ago in the Bay Area, you should just go in lowercase and Lincoln bio founder at stealth. Start up. TBDD.

Ah, Autumn Manning and Bryan Gott and Will Simpson; Paul Something! Media elite on LinkedIn in Austin; ah, the dream of the UNDERWATER BAT CAVE BENEATH LAKE TRAVIS, a Within Center; too bad Sarah and I couldn’t stay together, we were both too selfish and in need of the same boring husband who disappears

Bobby words like this podcast nice bro just recorded a fucking fire podcast do you know Thom Singer yeah he was so Thom Singer is one of the people that made me move to Austin. I met him in 2010 at the beta theta pi fraternity convention would I join the UCLA? He was at San Diego State. He was one of the speakers I was working on the beta staff so as I was afraid I was a Peter‘s first record social media pretty much the first record social media in the whole fraternity story communications world that have been mostly printed since the late 1800s, and yeah, Thom and I have stayed in touch we have lunch. He knows he knows Paul he had to cover awesome. Yeah podcast and he was trying to ask me.

i can cast a vision and compel people to follow that vision

— Autumn

the opposite of what you think would be true — paradoxical

Chris watching Pope John Paul II videos — you can’t be touched when you’re in papal

an Irishman fighting for restitution ~ never have I seen a man struggle; his face is a work of art

Everybody looking for a great career and money idea of that a lash African about personal relationships and then I lunch I lunch make sure I am understood his bag there goes a semi truck girl yeah

Play Max windows, Christian, driving Christopher he’s gonna leave BBB whispering to meet at the center and three voices imperfect heard yes. National Guard association of mine to be a bad bridal renaissance administrator for florist.

i would probably do anything for money; let other whiners do the justice part, i am the essence part — Anne Hathaway

the team’s general manager shared his plans to promote a scab — the term widely used for players who had broken ranks during the strike

a flashpoint and lightning rod

chastity is all we got

with our beauty —

Noble walking around with the weapon of her

i am strategically nasty because i know i can be forgiven

aha, now i’m other people’s marketing

because there are a lot of marketing messages

that kid was just playing (to) the best of his ability and he made a mistake

Blackburn’s late hit on Colorado two-way star Travis Hunter knocked Hunter out of the game, sent him to the hospital with a lacerated liver and will keep him out for three weeks, but Sanders said that’s no reason for Blackburn to receive the treatment he has in the days since the hit.

Ohtani won’t pitch next year

Angels (for now) superstar Shohei Ohtani underwent surgery yesterday, his agent announced, adding that the pending free agent will be ready to hit at the start of 2024. Pitching will come in 2025. Does this impact his value on the market? And what kind of surgery did he get anyway? Some potential answers here.

frantic lover

seasoned journalists are starting worker-owned, subscriber-based outlets that are not only breaking even, but also fostering a sense of community and providing vital coverage

who’s up playing games with silence and the internet?

the past becomes more and more aversive, the interior horizons collapse and truncate down and only exist as a discrete crystalline jumble of longing and rage

phantom scab lightning rod circumcision

what do you want to promote?

lightning scarab polar opposite

Are transcription. Where are you at Reis right yeah yeah raised in Michigan. Beautiful Whispering nobody else Harris helicopters. Give a shit about me to W. 30th St. medical Parkway got in a bad.

sitting on a carpet living for extraordinarily precise images i see and hear myself in

forces rule the world, and individual concepts of value

he copied Slim Whitman!

Interpol — Evil “Rosemary”

you’re gross, you’re delicate, don’t give your petals away

$5000 bonus to find a buyer for that house

an easy 5 grand to make with a phone call or a tweet hey — he rosegeoff should go to dance

Paperwork is ice who is talking about 20% is what you use you have with him 20% or 20% understanding no use an 80% understanding ha ha ha ha 70 he gets 7.7.

N for a long sitting in a bathtub in another world another life oh my God days yeah and 21 minutes

woke up in a bathtub in another world in another life

i have a respect for them all

frog venom drove a few of my friends up the wall

psychedelics are the door into death

duality theory

reckless excoriation

i am literally the meanest person i’ve ever met

low-cost pretender

light lift

$100–150 per project

30–60 seconds on camera

how long on set?

ah, film and memorize

total a couple hours of work

open to interpretation of script?

voiceover is totally great since i can read things well,

❤ and contracts that go out to actors

questions of how the agreement would work

send me over a script or two



sell the shithouse America; it’s easy, just film Citizens Bank Park

Phillies fans are America; so are the TikTok Boston deli guys

leftists are whiny and weak and i’m sick of their sense of humor and self-imposed limitations

we love video, the owner Macy

the only video rental store in Austin now

the only _____ in Austin

go down the list

being human is unsatisfying today; i should just fuck someone i like

you could be

destroying your reputation

more and being more

notorious for the sake of

what you might say once

you are not afraid of yourself

a golf cart ran into a ditch, tipped over

helping someone alienated feel included and connected

relished overhearing “iced clever dripper for Vanessa”

creative men have two jobs:

drive traffic to her website

and keep the roads clear

i guess kambo turned me dangerous, now i hold fire and can burn anyone and anything, open any webbed gate

pierced nipples on a fat chick

can’t hack it, they lack wit

talks about capitalism and girls as necessary

am i gonna get a talking-to for filming? i am trying to satisfy my heart

i brought a strong Transcendence Coach to his knees, a touch guy from University of Michigan, former club promoter in LA with a house on the beach in Newport and a Porsche in the driveway

he went to St. Edward’s then Infinite in Buda, went to 3–4 AA meetings a day

manifesting the angel

and there she was

a goth princess glimpsed through a stack of paper cups

then my waif brunette with ADHD and an oppressive father who “writes her thoughts sometimes, usually medicates them away”

writing-medication fit until suicide

she’s pretty annoying and she’s not my wife

who do i want to build with?

maybe someone with less than 40 sexual partners

someone particularly ignorant

the truth is she doesn’t love me

i don’t think she loves anything but her comfort

so let’s get her back to her art and her other possibilities and let me go

Ansley told me self-righteousness and humor can’t coexist — they can for me.

Ansley interviewed me on Zoom in the backyard of Double Trouble for her master’s program through Grand Canyon University, it was romantic, she was angelic, I also stared myself down in the black mirror and put the front-facing camera’s green ON button in both irises (her favorite flower)

i can’t fit into her (or my…) expectations anymore

the fact is she’s old and not rich doesn’t really have a firm, confident grasp on finance, has no connection to coastal elite excellence ~ but she’s been fun to take photographs of; another three-month relationship before things got serious (moving in together; the fact is I don’t want to listen to her, and she really sucks at listening to me. That’s it

an old man sighing at the retrospective

then it’s trying to be heard; workplaces are amusing crutches, lances, spills; I like the sound of the dictionary

Christopher Willitts ~ dozing on the couch, crushed up Chex Mix in the carpet

just be aware he might say mean things

exorcist on our hands

it’s been hard since Christian and Rex left

wine, vodka, cough syrup

another iced solar

no matter what, get outside

you’re close to the castle

east side Yakima valley wine tour + plan a winter trip, LA or Mexico (advice for D.C. or Seattle? overhearing a Zoom

it will give you an extended crisis, you can’t keep up with everybody

i had a mild freakout and was like “it’s time to spend moneyyyyy”

whiny buttress conniving cytoplasm up the rectum of novelty and retaliation

“I think I had something once. I showed promise, didn’t I, Dave? I mean I had something, didn’t I? But I was too sane. I couldn’t make the leap out of my own soul into the soul of the universe. That’s the leap they all made.”

— Don DeLillo, Americana

myra? mira? bagel dog? bueller?


slippy hacked up an online version of super smash brothers during the pandemic

Epoch Coffee

30–40 employees between 3 shops

4 are there since it opened in 2006

potluck of weird lovers and nonsense, this friday @ ansley’s

if you want to dance, sure

be really receptive to who your sound board is

when your sounding board retains & sticks

sticky sounding boards — bards

sticky sound boards

Frances Ha ~ b&w meet-cute


they aren’t as good as me

Jeff with a G

i wanna recycle and stop losing plastic

the episode with the walruses

girls love walruses

walrus hide and seek in the great Pacific garbage patch

i’m a Yankee in ATX

what you love conquers the amount in the abstract when thinking about what you have you’re always underestimating

I HATE YOU DAD, the bodybuilder drug addict liar screams at my shut bedroom door

protect the actors from the past, maybe through legislation

how does a drop feel at home in the ocean? recording

frustrating, tiring coronation cacao ceremony Chris overdose

The Witcher was too real when it said women get taken and taken from until they have nothing left to give and their old and alone

that’s why he’s my halloween costume

i need a bard

singing about throwing me coins

the young want space, the old want you to want to live in theirs with them and take care of them — they want to take equal to what you’ve taken

obey gnar in AR

head like a hole

heart like a whole or a wheel

a poultice of downtown Nashville

sixth street kind of

i can’t stop kissing my friends

girls talking about male directors is life and caramel

yeah, it made me want to shrink myself and become a small delicate (deli-cut) person. I never write that down ansley why would I write that down based on what you what you you watch the movie you watch protocols are my favorite line at movies we except in love with a dessert.

Ans made edibles, bomb

i have the butter

i’m gonna make a meal with the butter, like pasta or something ~ what are you doing tonight?

And I mean people think they have ownership over hot people because they’re hot

swing shift on Monday

“i’m here two days a week; why do i think i know what’s going on the rest of the time?”

i got field insight: radiant

this is Powerslave right? Peace of Mind is probably my favorite ~ iconic album cover


i shared a room with my brother when I was 10 in Dallas

spinoff of another great coffee shop

tried talking about Iron Maiden with the barista but he had to serve somebody

is your internet acting spotty or are you really happy to see me?

girls log on and adjust their boundaries

the ol’ turkey-provo

coordinate my beautiful capacity and community

fitness and leadership really is everything eh

your drips are missing because the computer was not…that’s right…it idled out, your order got lost in the sauce

an old man writes about the field, the fields

the gravitational potential is notated as a scale, an amount, a direction

i’m just toying with divine direction and see what happens

if you’re gonna publish that

make sure it gets back to me

OK, how would you like it to get back to you

don’t worry about it

outward + gathering

electromagnetic field

it’s the field that’s falling

not the object and its weight

Nixon and Eisenhower citing old man in coffee shop

justifying sleaziness sounds like the job of government

cold brew knockout for mediocre 7s

will require a reader to parse

i really do love Yasmeen

not a wrong love; a writer who hates writers

> The comedian and actor Russell Brand has been accused of rape, sexual assaults and emotional abuse during a seven-year period at the height of his fame.

What is the use of charisma? Give it all to the lens and the distant, synchronized-out-of-sync internet of spectacle each viewer misinterprets and misapplies in their own way? That’s not satisfaction — only eros’s release satisfies a man.

> Brand denied the allegations and said his relationships have all been consensual.

the consensual co-Eros du jour

ladies saw me sucking water from a rubber nipple

Riley’s blendie


@exercise.love Update: I am not Russell Brand (accused today of rape, sexual assaults and abuse)


wireless mother, cloth mother

Eric Jorgensen


No-No, a doc(umentary about Dock Ellis)

Brandon Backe outfielder retooled as a pitcher

online content creators

merge with the screen

looking for fatherhood leverage

without the risk, loneliness and expense of having

real kids yet

and there’s a benefit to the separateness: your fans don’t need to listen to you

thinking about work and lust


i really can’t believe how difficult i became

only a very astute photographer could capture that

human beings can be stupid and cruel, and they learn nothing — they continue to disappoint

live present and have hope and faith for tomorrow

the question is do you want to live with this person while they strive to improve

e.g. i have faith

uttering untruths

but are people trying to get better?

cultural criticism

you’re just bitter you don’t belong somewhere you don’t resent

ah resentment

judging other people and naming them in secret


it’s a team effort

Key Fob has Left the Vehicle

she made her drink special and forgot it on the counter

rise above the fear and anger

operate from a bird’s perspective

a flying devil but good, an eagle or a hawk, an egret

what’s something you’ve always wanted to do that you’re finally going for?

this is such a good house for two people

two bedrooms upstairs plus an office downstairs

amazing light

what’s the rent on this place?

all the things we think and do not say

i think enough for five men’s speech

copywritten in advance

inner monologues ghostwritten (hostwritten)

it’s just a Marli exhale of God

that’s all we are — temporary but infinite

fitness and leadership emerged to me overnight as two words that could define our house — entrepreneurship might be downstream from leadership, and personal growth and community may be downstream from fitness

fitness includes mental health, reading and listening, sharing bravely (i cried tears at sunday dinner last night listening to someone share about their recent seasonal depression and thinking about their inner child and also being the man who has to father and console him

consume him…

father eats the son


AI can be harnessed to warm up leads and deliver them hot, more good stuff than you are equipped to deal with — equipment dealers for mountaineering, harnesses and rope, belts and hooks

fitness and leadership

pushing all those old notes down

not tied to yesterday except the grid and people’s memory of me — how i couldn’t call the kava bar and see who’s working and come in and be welcomed, like Donald Trump in New York City — he lost his ticket, his membership card, his pass; people like TJ live for passes, membership, inclusion facilitated by money and what guy knows you. and you perform for that guy according to your own fear of being left out and unattached to the system in the cloud reinforced by wearing the blue Oxford shirt and showing up in particular ways ~ showing up is the medicine and antidote; showing up is the only subject that matters — digesting all the failure feedback and operating cleaner now, higher octane, better burn — i say beautiful things in the quiet of my morning, not the raucous defensive reaction of midday typists that spawns much of the world’s social data: quality tenor and temperature of the output mechanism is key, a la T.S. Eliot’s insights about “the poet” in his 1919 essay, Tradition and the Individual Talent — here’s my pile of talent and proof: now what happens when Original meets the world

i am really the worst person i can imagine

the erotic image du jour

the lady chef’s daily special